Hey, come on, off the equipment.
I tell you a hundred times a day, stay out of here.
Damn.
All right.
Good. Now you get to be a member of the club.
That's okay. I'm not the joiner type. I mean, you wouldn't want a guy like me.
We already voted. You're in.
- What do you know. - You want to see the... clubhouse?
Uh... I've got homework. My sister, she's making me...
- Too scared? - Me? Scared?
Uh...
- Well, what do you think? - Oh, uh...
...a little old-fashioned for my taste... burial, I mean.
I'm more into stuff, like, you know, cremation...
...where you scatter the ashes out of the plane...
...throw them in the ocean, maybe even have your favorite music playing.
Okay, okay. Come on.
- There it is. - That's the clubhouse?
- Yeah. You want to make something of it? - No. It's great.
Okay, then. Come on.
Hey, wait a second.
- Who's buried in here? - Come on. I'll show you inside.
- Uh, I really gotta get back. My sister... - We got a meeting.
- Thought you weren't scared? - That was before.
Initiation time.
Hey, look at this.
Jeez!
- What do you think? - Don't know. It might be supplies.
- What kind, though? - I don't know.
Ammo, maybe. Combat stuff.
Hey, check this out.
I don't think you should play around with that.
Shut up, wimp!
- Finders, keepers. Right? - Yeah.
Hey!
Wait up!
Oh, shit!
Oh, no!
Oh, shit!
It's the Army, the real one.
This is serious. We gotta call that number.
You're not gonna tell them about this, see? Know why?
- Let me out! - 'Cause you won't be able to.
Let me out!
Well, here we are.
Oh, creep me out!
Joey, are you sure that you want to do this?
The guy offered me 100 for a night's work. I can't turn that down, can I?
- Grab the bag, will you, kid? - Are you gonna be in there all night or what?
A couple hours, tops. You wait here.
- Gee, that sounds really exciting. - Take it easy, baby. No sweat.
I don't want to take it easy, Joey. I want to go out and have some fun...
- ...so will you just hurry up? - Okay.
Oh.
And will you be careful, too, please?
- Goddamn mushy stuff. - Come on.
What if somebody wants to know what we're doing here?
You tell them you're a grave-digger, and you'll be tellin' them the truth.
Only difference is, we're the kind that takes 'em out...
...instead of putting 'em in, see?
Jesus, Ed. What do you do with them?
Oh, there are all sorts of crazies out there. They want the skulls from interred bodies.
That's the key, see? They gotta have been interred.
No, siree, nobody wants skulls that haven't already been buried.
Come on. I mean, how are they gonna know the difference?
It'd be dishonest to give them skulls that weren't buried.
Jesus.
Okay. Okay. Just a little decayed matter.
Nothing to get unhinged about.
Oh, shit!
...long time.
Lousy kids are always pokin' around in my gardens.
Stay cool.
- Look at that! - Oh, what the hell?
Hey, you, kid! If I catch you in here again, I kick your ass...
...and then I call the police!
Guess I've just got a way with kids, huh?
Aw, what a shame.
It's not even ripe.
Damn kids, they have no respect for the dead.
- Makes you sick, doesn't it? - Yeah.
- Well, let's get started. - Yeah.
Take it to the side. Press out. It's one, two...
...three. Now, pushing the walls, keep 'em apart. Don't let 'em come in.
Again, four, three, two. And, do the front.
And swinging those arms.
Standing tall, it's four, three, two.
Now to the side again. Now, press. Press...
Hey, Jesse, see that? Mom says you follow those rules, or it's my butt.
You follow those rules, or it's your butt.
Up! Up! And take it down.
First one says "homework," and you don't go out until you finish it.
- Now get going! - Ready, we're going to do that again.
And to the side. And...
Come on. Let's get out of here. I can't breathe.
That's a good boy.
You got it.
Not bad. Nice bit of rump in her time, huh?
Looks choice.
Get me the bag, will you?
Well, open it, like you do in the store.
- Oh... - Kiss, kiss.
Now you know what a bagman is.
Oh, that's it. I don't need the money. I'm out of here.
Come off it. Who's gonna know? Her?
Besides...
...I'll bet that girlfriend of yours...
...would sure like this. Huh?
Huh?
Yeah.
What is that stuff?
Swamp gas.
Makes my skin feel like slimy ice or something.
Come on. Let's get this one up here.
"1957."
Perfect.
Move it! Over here. Come on. Let's go.
Jesus Christ, not again.
Look, Beth, Mrs. Billings says I've gotta have this damn cake ready...
...for Home EC in the morning.
How the hell do you separate a white from a yolk?
I swear, this whole thing is so stupid.
Hold on a sec. It's the door.
Coming!
Oh. Uh... hi.
I'm with cable TV. I have an installation order here.
Yeah. You were supposed to be here, like, three hours ago.
Yeah, well, I'm... this is all really new around here. I got sort of lost.
Wait a minute. Aren't you, uh...
...don't you go to Central?
- So? Big deal. - Yeah. I went there, ya know.
I graduated last year. Maybe you remember me. Tom Essex.
Student council, swim team... almost.
No. No, I don't remember you.
Um... TV is in here.
- I've gotta see Billy, please? - He's not feeling too well. I put him to bed.
- But I've got his homework assignments! - Oh, well, you can give it to me.
No! I mean, I've gotta show it to him, or he won't understand.
All right, but just for a few minutes.
Billy?
What do you want?
What happened? What did you...
Below normal? Are you keeping this under your tongue?
You do feel cold. God, I told you not to go running around in the rain.
You opened the thing, didn't you?
Say anything about this, and your ass is grass.
Jesse, that's all now.
You shut up about this, or else.
Brains!
I want your brains!
Give me...
...brains!
Brains!
Joey?
Okay. Okay.
- Do you hear that? - Sit down and have a sandwich, huh?
- The missus made 'em. - No, I think I'll pass.
You're right.
There's a chill in the air tonight.
Fifty-eight years old, can't be too careful in this weather.
- Yeah, you'll end up in one of those. - Nuh-uh. Not me.
You'll never find me in one of these. I'm gonna get me cremated.
You're afraid that some old creep like you is gonna come along and steal your head.
Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job.
Like this job?
Joey?
Okay. Okay, that is it. I am out of here.
Oh, shit! Shit!
Okay. Okay. Um... the van, you can take the van. It's right over there.
Oh, fuck this!
Should've taken the chicken soup.
Holy Jesus, Ed!
Holy mother of God!
Ed. Ed!
Is there something I should know?
You're supposed to be dead!
Ow!
Oh! Holy shit! This is big fucking trouble!
Joey! Joey! Kill it!
Joey! Joey, wait for me!
- Joey! Joey! - Come on!
Joey, get 'em!
Brains!
- We gotta get Brenda. She's all alone. - Brenda? What about me?
- You selfish jerk! - Oh, I am. I am.
Oh, Lord, forgive me. They're dead! I thought you were finished with them!
I got a feeling he's not listening right now.
We gotta handle this thing, whatever it is.
- But first we gotta get Brenda. Come on. - No, not that way!
- The road. This way! - Go.
- Joey! - Whoa, Brenda, honey, baby!
- How are you? You okay? Are you okay? - I'm okay, I'm okay. Joey, what did you do?
He didn't do anything. It's me they're after. It's my sins!
- Hail, Mary, full of grace... - Quit doing that!
- Oh! The Lord is my... - Shut up!
- Save this sinner, please! - There's lights over there!
Brains!
Out there!
Lucy! In the cemetery, this hand, it came out of the ground and tried to grab me!
- I didn't know what to do! - Upstairs, mister!
In the drum... big, slimy!
We've gotta call the army! It's for real!
- Great imagination. - Let's go right now!
You gotta believe me.
Look, I don't want any more trouble out of you, mister.
Let me at least call Mom!
And do not try to leave this room, do you understand?
Hey, what are you doing out there?
Damn!
I can't go any faster! Please, slow down!
Go slower! Please!
Wait for me! No, don't leave me!
Please!
- All right, one move, and you're dead meat! - Oh, please, please, don't shoot!
No, go ahead and do it! I deserve to die!
Mister, call the police or the fire department or the S.W.A.T. team...
...or, I don't know... anybody, but do it now!
What the hell was that?
- Where do you think you're going? - Get your family out of here! Now!
Okay. Okay. Mildred! Get in here.
Jesse!
Jesse! Jesse!
Jesse!
You've gone too far this time. Now open this door!
Jesse, you let me in there this minute!
Jesse, if you don't open this door, I'm gonna come in there and I'm gonna kill you!
- This is Section 4. - Um, is this the army?
Okay, that does it. That does it. Fine.
I'm going to tell Mom, and you are going to be grounded for a month!
Well, don't just stand there. Do something!
- Now, this might chip the paint. - Please, do it.
- Go ahead, please. - Is there where you should call...
- ...about one of those drums? - Yes. Your name, please?
Jesse Wilson.
Hold the line, Mr. Wilson. Your call is being transferred.
All right!
- Oh, damn! - Hurry up!
It's for the Colonel.
- Excuse me, sir. It's for you. - Thank you.
- Come on, baby. Let's go. - Oh, but that's stealing!
Oh, but that's okay!
Come on!
- Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Get it started, will you?
Hey! Hey!
What the hell's going on?
Man.
- Which way? - Left!
No, right!
- Hello? - Hello, this is Glover.
- Hello? - Hello, Glover here. Hello!
Damn!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Look what you made him do. Now he's killed someone...
...and it's all your fault! You... you schmuck!
- I know. I know. - Stop it! Stop it!
I can't believe it!
Oh, dear Lord, help me.
Oh, my God! Did you see what I think I saw?
Yeah.
Hey, you guys.
Did somebody get hurt?
- Yes! - No!
Wait right here. I'm gonna call an ambulance.
Wait here?
I'm going to tell everything!
Jesse, get back here, you...
- Hold it. I'm just going to kill you. - Let me go! Let me go!
- I gotta call for help. - The phone's dead!
- You've gotta help us, miss. This is serious. - I can't help you!
- Miss, Miss, you've gotta help us! - Let go of me or I'll call the police!
No! You gotta help us! You got a gun in this place?
- A gun? Get out of here! - The phone's dead.
- Hey, get your hands off of her! - You don't understand!
I understand, all right. Out there, that's hit-and-run, pal.
- No, they're dead. - Yeah, I know, you guys...
- Already dead! - Trust me... dead, dead, dead.
- Dead, dead, dead! - We've gotta get to a phone.
- That's right. He's right. - Him, right? You've got no idea.
Wait, wait, wait... oh, Jesus.
- Joey? - I don't feel so good.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, God!
Oh, no!
- Oh! - No! No!
Well, what is it?
Oh, God!
Oh, my God!
- You son of a bitch! - Come on.
You bastard.
Oh, God!
Oh, get rid of it, please! Get rid of it!
Oh, God!
Get out of here. Get out of here.
Mother of mercy.
Get that damn screwdriver out of my head!
I've gotta get out of here and get to a phone!
Joey, baby, it's okay. We're gonna...
I don't know what we're gonna, but...
Brain!
Help! Help!
Jesse. Jesse!
- Help! - Jesse?
Help! Help him!
Brain!
Oh, God!
We gotta get out of here. We gotta get out of here.
- We gotta get out of here. - We know that, dummy. We need a car.
Doc Mandel's got a car. He's got a phone. We can make a...
- Where is this guy? - Two houses over.
- It's all clear. - Show us the way.
What?
- I knew we should have gone dancing! - I'll take care of you, baby.
Get her out of here, now!
Oh, shit!
Help me! Help me, Jesus!
Side kick, count one, two, three. Now to the front.
It's one, two, three, against thighs.
One, two, three, now single count. Front, up, up...
...and side, side. Reach up, up, and now the heel-touch.
Reaching out. Take it down. And bow and arrow.
Hurry! Hurry!
Which way?
This way! Come on.
Do you want to die?
Okay, they seem to like brains, so maybe they'll leave you alone.
- Shut up. - Come on!
I told you... no more prayers.
It's not that. I don't feel so hot. Let me rest.
Rest? He wants to rest?
Joey, he's the dumbest guy you've ever worked with in your whole entire life!
Rest? You can't rest now. We're almost there.
- Come on! - Come on!
Oh, no!
Come on.
Run! We're almost there!
Right here! Come on!
George!
George, go get Dr. Mandel!
George!
George?
Oh, Billy!
Brains!
Doc Mandel! Open up!
Oh, it's you. Why aren't you out playing in the traffic?
How did you get in here? What seems to be the problem?
- Where are the keys to your car? - Why? Are we going somewhere?
There seem to be hooligans terrorizing the neighborhood. I...
No, no, it's the dead. They've come back to life.
- The dead? Dead? Dead what? - People! We need your car.
- Sounds to me like you need a hearse. - We don't have time for this!
I'm sorry, sir, but we've gotta get the keys to your car right now!
- Must be an emergency, huh? - No duh!
Oh, well...
Oh, I'm sorry, my boy, but this car is cherry.
- No one drives the princess but me. - Just move it.
Oh, my God!
It's... it's, um... Harvey! Harvey Kramer!
Harvey, it's me. Remember me?
Harvey, it wasn't my fault. We ran out of type-o.
It's coming!
- Cherry, huh? - Well, almost cherry.
Go, go!
The door, the door!
It won't go.
Go! Go!
- Forget it. - You wouldn't... you wouldn't...
Hey, you ghoul face, get off the car, get off the car!
Oh, no! Now what do we do?
For thirty years I've owned this auto, and I've never put a scratch on it.
- Give me that wheel! - Come on! Come on, doctor!
Oh, he's not gonna throw up in here now, is he?
What's going on here? Out the window. Out the window. Out the window.
Push the button. Push the button. Push the button. Out the window!
I just had this car waxed.
Jesus, get it out of here!
I don't think it's anything to get excited about. It's only a severed hand.
Why is everyone so excited?
Whoa! Maybe not! Whoa!
Throw it out the window!
- Joey? Joey! - What?
We gotta get to a hospital.
It's all your fault, you cheese dip! Stay away from me.
- Where's the emergency room? - No! We've gotta go to the police station.
- They'll know what do to. - Will you just shut up? God!
I think something is not right with those guys.
I feel so... I just got this feeling.
- Yeah. Me, too. - No, it's...
...it's like we've been here before.
It's like a dream, this whole thing...
...you, me, them.
Anybody here?
- Dead. - Don't say that word.
Why? Dammit, why? Where'd they all go?
Hello?
Where is everybody?
When are you guys going to wake up?
Nobody can help us except...
A trained physician, such as myself. Hold this, my son. Thank you very much.
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
What, what, what?
When did you two have your last bowel movement, hmm?
Do you happen to know what a catheter is?
They gotta have police here...
...emergency stuff, somebody somewhere!
I'll take a look around town.
- Not without me! - You stay put.
No way. I saw it. I'm the one who knows stuff.
- Kid's got a point. - That'll be the day.
Come on. Cut it out, you two. If we're going, let's go. We'll be a team.
Teams suck.
Say ah.
Ah...
Mm-hmm.
Huh.
- What? What is it? What's wrong? - Is he gonna be okay?
Let's look at the tongue, all right?
- Oh, my God. - What?
What... what is it?
- We're going to do a biopsy. - Is it cancer?
- If we're lucky. - Oh, no!
Have you noticed something funny?
- Yeah, like no people. - Yeah, like that.
Come on, kid.
Thank God.
Hey! Hey! Hey, over here!
- Over here! - Hey! Fresh brains!
Oh, no.
Oh, God. Get in the car.
- Come on! - I don't believe this.
Goddamn car!
Come on!
Oh, come on!
Come on!
Great. I'm not even out of grade school, and I'm already gonna die.
- Gramps. There's gramps' street! - We should go back and get the others.
No! There! Turn down there!
- There are lights on. - Wait a second.
- Gramps? Gramps! - Hold on.
Grandpa?
You know how to, uh... use one of those?
You do know how to pull a trigger, don't you?
Sure. Do you?
She's Junior Class Champion for the whole state.
- Here's yours. - Oh, terrific! Great.
What can I shoot with this, mice?
Look, those things out there, they're ugly and they're dirty and they're dumb...
...I don't even care if they are dead.
I hate them. There's no way they're touching me.
Great.
Make my night.
You've gotta help me!
We've gotta get moving. Those things are all over town.
Um... would you come over here, please?
You will also notice there is no pupilary response.
No, uh...
...reflexes. Obvious lividity...
...suggesting chronic, intractable rigor mortis.
- Is it serious? - Is dead serious?
- But they can talk. - Oh, God, it hurts!
I can't move my arms or legs.
See? Now, do you call this dead? They are not dead, you jerk!
Have you noticed he's not breathing?
Care to check his heartbeat?
It hurts!
In my opinion, I think they should be contained.
Contained?
- Bagged. - Bagged?
Bagged.
Oh... me!
Hello? Hello.
Mmm.
Brains!
Okay, you mother.
What was that?
Brain!
Stay.
Shoot it!
Jeez!
Oh, God!
Come on.
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no. You don't want to do that.
You were gonna leave him here, you quack.
Some doctor, yeah, we're gonna go find a real one! Come on, baby.
- You're making a big mistake. - Shut up!
No! You can't leave me here!
No, no, no. You don't want...
You did.
- Get out of here! - No!
Oh, shit!
Hey!
They wouldn't steal my... they wouldn't... they did!
Dammit!
All right!
Don't you worry, babe.
I'm gonna get you help, professionals, the best.
Will you shut up!
Shut up!
I'm telling you, Sarge. We cleared out the town.
We should be way over here.
Lady, don't come any closer!
- I gotta get a doctor! - Are you sick?
No! What is wrong with you people? They need help, for Christ's sake!
Forget it, lady. Nobody gets out of this town.
Why not?
- Plague. - Plague? This is no plague!
They're dead!
I mean... I mean... I mean, not, like, for-real dead, but, like, sick dead!
You know? Like when I shook them there's nothing going on inside or anything.
Okay, Sarge. Let's push along, don't you think?
- Yeah. Let's move out, boys. - No!
Wait. No, I can explain. I can explain. Please!
It's okay, lady. We read you. We'll send the medics, all right?
Promise?
Ed! Ed, quit it!
- Ed! - Goddamn!
Believe me, he's dead.
Get up here now!
Okay, Sarge.
I'm coming.
Take it easy, Ed.
Trust me, okay?
I'll be right back.
- Let's go up Weaver Street. - No. Richmond's faster.
- And brighter. - Let's just get out of here.
Son of a bitch!
- What are you doing? - I know. They're already dead. I don't care.
I'll kill them anyway.
Oh, my God.
One for the good guys.
- Brilliant. - Brilliant. Brilliant!
Brains!
Brenda! You gotta... help me!
It hurts so bad!
Joey, I'm doing the best I can! What else can I do?
Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna get you there.
Don't worry.
Let me...
...eat your brains.
Brains!
Brenda, let me have them!
I'm the one who loves you!
Brenda!
Hey, Brenda!
Joey! You stay away from me!
Oh, Brenda, your brains smell so good...
...so... so rich and... and spicy.
- Spicy? - Yeah.
Joey, I am not into dead guys!
Honey, it's only me.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Take them, baby.
- Right! Good-bye, nightmare. - Let's get to a call box!
- No way. We're gettin' out of here. - He's right, son.
What the... what's going on? I don't believe this!
- Look! - Soldiers?
- It's all right. They're ours! - Commence firing!
- I don't think they know that. - You're right. I'm wrong.
Hey, wait! You don't understand!
- They think we're them. - You mean those things?
Yeah. Don't you get it? That's why there's nobody in town.
They evacuated the whole place.
Interesting situation.
Soldiers in front, zombies in the back.
Maybe we should slip off to the side and have a cocktail or... no?
No. No.
Hello? Hello, is there anybody out there?
Come in, come in.
Can you hear me? Is anybody out there?
Hello?
Can you tell us where to go?
Come to the hospital.
- Sure, we'll be right there! - Hold it, hold it!
Uh, pardon me, but could you tell me who the president of the United States is?
Mmm...
Uh, Harry Truman.
Who's Harry Truman?
They want brains...
...we'll give 'em brains.
Come on!
Hey. Jesse, now, remember. No funny stuff.
If you hear anything, just shout.
Okay, okay!
I joined the army to see the world, not this.
Get a hold of yourself, son. You're an American soldier.
We got a firefight on our hands...
...and the enemy's already dead.
It's beautiful!
All right, you dead bunch of sons-of-bitches.
I'm blowing your tired, ugly asses right back to hell!
Yeah.
Help! Help! Over here!
Over here!
Jesse?
Jesse!
I told him! I told him!
- Don't worry. We'll find him. - Maybe I don't wanna find him.
I think you do.
I bet you think I'm a real idiot, don't you?
No, I think you're great.
Get up! Who do you think you are?
I got news for you, pal. We survive, we survive together. You understand me?
- I'm sorry. I thought that thing... - It's okay.
It's all right. You ready to work?
Ready, son? Keep those brains coming.
Chow time! Chow time!
Get 'em while they're cold!
Fresh brains! Nice fresh brains!
Cold fresh brains!
Cold! They're catching up! Big whoppers!
Ah, yes. I've got a lovely bunch of brains.
Brains! Give me some more, son.
Shoot 'em to me! Brains! Yeah!
- Cold fresh brains! - Brains!
Get 'em while they're fresh! Eat up! Eat up!
Nice cold brains! Chow time! Cold fresh brains!
Come on.
Yeah.
Is that it?
Okay.
Jesse!
Come on!
- What is it? What's the matter? - The walkie-talkie.
- Oh, great. What are we gonna do now? - The doc, he'll know what to do.
Well...
...how do you do?
Oh.
I know that look. I get it from my mom when she wants me to volunteer for dishes.
The keys are in the ignition.
You can't send him out there.
Okay, you gotta get it started. Turn the key in the ignition.
Doc Mandel here.
- Who's this? - Brains!
Brains!
Let the clutch out slowly.
Clutch, shift, clutch.
- Got it? - Got it.
Here we go.
We're moving! We're moving!
All right!
Holy horse puckey!
Brains!
You told, you told. Now you die like me.
That's why you're dead, ass wipe. No brains and a big mouth.
Oh, hurry, Jesse! Hurry!
I did remember you.
Excuse me. Your fly is open.
- Hi. Good-bye. - Hey, jerk-off!
Hmm.
Must have been a fuse.
Move that up front, everybody.
Get a case of body bags down here.
- Let's go. - I want a truck over in this area.
You men, check behind the building.
- You did good, kid. You did all right. - Thanks.
You're still a little shit, but I love you.
- The feeling's mutual. - I'm starved.
How about a bite to eat? I mean... well, you know what I mean.
Maybe we could have a little glass of something, a little libation.
Tell me, my son, have you ever had a Shirley Temple?
- No. - A horse's neck?
- No. - A purple knee-high?
No.
Well, tell me this. Have you ever seen a grown man drunk?
Yes.
Oh, come on, guy. Back off with that thing.
I got gas.
Aw, don't hit a girl when she's down!
Okay. No more brains. You win.
For now!